it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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