Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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