So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
