she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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