Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
