I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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