Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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