It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My pussy is not your playground.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
