Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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