i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
