There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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