I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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