You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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