we made out on top of his cat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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