I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
