It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They have beer where we have blood.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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