The maid of honor just puked.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
