So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
