Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize