I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
