i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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