Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
