I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Your dad touched me again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
