you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize