If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize