he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
