wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
