My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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