i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
