maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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