Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
