Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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