Moan for me like Helen Keller
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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