Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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