her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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