Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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