Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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