I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
