Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
