You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
