Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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