just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
