do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
