So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
