So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize