Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize