oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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