I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
