I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
