this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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