Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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