i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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