I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize