I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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