I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
