I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
