i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
