It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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