Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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