can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
jump out the window naked night went bad
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize