So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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