if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
