I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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