I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
