So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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