Porn is love you can see.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
