pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
