So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
