STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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