batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
