If that was your dad, he is hot
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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