does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
