I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
