Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
