My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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