so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
