Your mouth is God's brothel.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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