So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize