I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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