My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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