the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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