I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize