HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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