God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
