The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
cat food counts as protein by the way
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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