After last night, I could never be a politician.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
