margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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