I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
