I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
