hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
