she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
