I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
