I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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