i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Say something about gay babies.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my liver is dry heaving
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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