After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
