I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
