***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
