listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
