Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
